The Engineer also Muses

Muchas Grassy Ass Amigo!

And where have you been? March 6, 2010

Filed under: on Student Politics,on me,on my family,on my thesis,on university,on work — Janek @ 21:13

So, it’s been a while since I last blogged, and I want to apologise for that. I have about 10 things to blog about, and they’re sitting in a list on my desk. I don’t even know where to begin, but I thought I’d do a shout-out to Cory who emailed me about a wonderful organisation called oSTEM – out in Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics. I haven’t forgotten you, I will write you soon. But, if you’re in the field and looking for new queers, this might be a good start.

Talking of Engineers, I had rather sad news on the 16th of last month, my Supervisor, a wonderful and supportive man, dropped dead with an aortic dissection on the 15th while at home. He was a brilliant man who had endless amounts of time to spend with you, always pushed people further, and tried to make everyone understand not just the basics, but WHY. He was 46, and has a young wife and two early-teen boys.

I took the news particularly badly, and spent about two weeks in a wilderness of thought and philosophy, as I’ve not really experienced death so close to me before, with the exception of my Grandfather, who was 95 and had spent years lost in his own world. I am getting closer to accepting and discussing the matter, but it put quite a stop on the PhD for a while.

Last week, I went to the Universities Australia conference in Canberra, where I became thoroughly disheartened about the value of a University degree. I can explain the policy in detail, but essentially we are all now just consumers, shopping for a degree that we shall get, meeting the minimum standards, and resulting in an over-degreed, under-qualified population where the job prospects shall be scant.

I also got more heavily involved in my own local student organisation, which many will find humorous, as I re-wrote standing orders, examined submissions to Government on different things, and generally had a ball.

I guess I’ve been doing some other things as well, but I’ve not really had the time. And yourself?

 

Christmas. The girl you got pregnant 2015 years ago who is still bitching today December 31, 2009

Filed under: on Dan,on me,on my family,on my friends — Janek @ 20:22

Gay SantaI figured that since everyone else was doing one (well, Yani and Sunshine, but they’re everyone) so will I.

Christmas is that time of year I’d rather not have. Shops are packed, it’s hot, my car rego is due, it’s hot, presents are expensive, not to mention that it’s hot. We also do a huge Christmas thing every year, and this year turned out to be somewhat never-ending. The weekend before Christmas set the whole thing in motion when we went to Dan’s parents’ to put up the Christmas tree. This followed on with decorating our own house (Well, Dan decorated it, I pretended to be enthusiastic).

Anyway, Christmas really kicked off with Christmas Eve at my cousin Al’s place, with Jo, Em, and Olive, Mike and Vic, Zosh and Rog, Babcia and Dziadek, Vic’s parents, Jo’s parents and siblings…. it was mega. I didn’t really enjoy it – I’m not a fan of huge parties. My brother and I sat down the end of the table, away from the oldies, and chatted, not really doing much. My enthusiasm for Christmas was matched with the enthusiasm in gifts given to me: A tin of fudge flavoured like Bailey’s, a 6 pack, and a tank of fuel. Wonderful gifts from my father’s side of the family, as always.

As usual, waking on Christmas Morning brought on my good cheer, and my parents. I was given a new weathershield for my car and a service to do the timing belt by my father, four penguin classics (I don’t remember which) and cherry liquor chocolates by my mother, and a new bracelet and two tops by my brother. One of the tops, a favourite now, says “Let’s pretend I give a shit and leave it at that”. I will wear it for teaching next year.

Christmas Day was with my mum’s mum at her place, and we had a lovely time, though it was hot and Grandma was tired. I got a lovely set of gifts from my grandmother, including a cotton blanket for Dan and myself, chocolates, wine, and a book by Alan Bennett, A Life Life Other People’s.

Boxing day continued the slog, with Dan’s parents. By now, as you, devoted reader, should be able to guess, I have been to a number of Christmas things. I do not like Christmas thanks to the years of retail and my general displeasure. Dan’s parents are trying to enforce Christmas onto me. They did so this year by buying Dan and myself tickets to go to Wicked, and the True Blood omnibus. I was also given presents by Dan’s family, Lala gave us a How To Host A Murder, Cal gave us a board game, and Dan’s aunt, who I can’t remember what Dan’s nickname for her was, gave me a voucher for Boarders.

So, there have been a few gifts in there, a few different things, but nothing I was too exciting. I hope Wicked will be good, people rave about it, but I’m not so keen on this happy ending thing. Why did they have to change the end?

 

Understanding my Parents’ position November 10, 2009

Filed under: on my family,on the government — Janek @ 11:01

Many people in Australia are aware of the fight going on with the 71 refugees and the Oceanic Viking. A terrible tale of the inactivity of our government, the inherent racism of the population in so many cases, and the lack of suitable welcoming strategies.

With this in mind, I received this from my Father this morning, obviously doing the rounds at his work atm:

The Bird Feeder

I bought a bird feeder.. I hung it on my patio and filled it lovingly with seed… It was indeed a beautiful bird feeder. Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food.

But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue.. Then came the bird shit. It was everywhere; on the patio tiles, the chairs, the table … everywhere!

Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket.

And other birds were boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food.

After a while, I couldn’t even sit on my own back porch anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio.

Soon, the back yard was like it used to be … quiet, serene and no one demanding their rights to a free meal…

Now let’s see ……
Brown and our government give out free food, subsidised housing, free medical care, and free education and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen.

Then the illegals came by the millions. Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for the free services; small flats are housing 5 or more families; you have to wait 6 hours to be seen by a doctor in an emergency surgery because it is filled with illegal non tax payers; your child’s year 12 class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn’t speak English.

Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to ‘press one’ to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than ‘The Union Jack’ are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties.

Its just my opinion but: maybe, just maybe, it’s time for the government to take down the damn bird feeder.. If you agree, pass it on; if not, continue cleaning up the shit!

Yes, that’s pretty much his position in a nutshell.

 

Treasures from my Grandmother November 9, 2009

Filed under: on literature,on my family — Janek @ 19:40

I love going to visit my maternal grandmother, we always have a great time, chatting about a range of things from history to politics, both on an international level (such as the Spanish Civil War), and in terms of our family (such as her daft Aunt Nancy).

Recently, though, she’s moving further with the “getting rid of things” and so I get to dive through the books every so often and take away a treasure or two. Last time I was there, I picked up a 1924 street directory for Sydney. It’s not organised like a traditional directory, it’s broken up into suburbs, and includes titbits like the mayor of the town/city, and some activities to do there. It’s wonderful.

This last trip, I got four books. One of them is What Happened to the Communist Party of Australia?, written about how the Communist Party lost its vision and went from being for the working class to being for Multi-Class, Communist in name only. Yes, that’s right, it’s a book about how the Communist Party lost out because it wasn’t Communist enough!

Another was the 1811 Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue, re-published in the 1970s. It’s got a great collection of words in it, really making it the Urban Dictionary of its day.

The third was a little more dull, or interesting, how you see it. It’s a collection of the short stories of Edgar Allen Poe, including the original Crime Fiction, “Murders in the Rue Morgue”. I remember studying it several years ago in Year 11 Extension I English as part of crime fiction, and complaining about it, because it has one of the worst “murderers” every. If you haven’t read it, I won’t spoil it for you, but believe me, a Christie it ain’t. There’s also the classic, Fall of the House of Usher. But, alas, no Raven (given it’s a poem, not a short story).

The final book returns to the comedy styling of the other two, with Sydney Observed by Bernard Hesling. It’s brilliant, this little comedic commentary on places in Sydney. My favourite is on Kings Cross:

The name King’s Cross is obviously aboriginal and means the place where two kings crossed, or were cross, or both – although one of them may have been a queen (see Elizabeth Bay). The actual spot where the crossing took place was, I feel sure, commemorated by either a plaque, obelisk or horsetrough, long since removed to make more rents

King’s Cross, familiarly called “The Cross”, is the Bloomsbury and Greenwich Village of Sydney. Its people are largely cosmopolitan. Its ham and beef shops are called Delicatessen.

With little treasures like this, I can still see my Grandfather in all of these books (he had collected them). And that makes things wonderful.

 

Meeting MY Family April 6, 2009

Filed under: on Dan,on coming out and moving out,on my family — Janek @ 14:52

Despite the arguments with my parents, I still want Dan to meet my family, so when I was due to take something over to Grandma’s yesterday, I put on my red riding hood, packed my picnic basket, and carefully got Dan in the passenger seat.

Yes, that’s right… I introduced Dan to my Grandmother.

And it went really well :D

We chatted and had cake and laughed about things. My Aunt Ro and her fiance Dennis were there for a while, they seemed to get along well too. Dan nipped into the bathroom, and Grandma said the following words that touched me: “I like your friend very much“. Friend in that way that old people have of referring to boyfriends. She likes Dan. When we were leaving, I gave Grandma a kiss, and she said “Can I give Dan a kiss too?” in a lighthearted, giggly sort of way.

I’m in tears of joy just typing about it now. She likes him, she really likes him :D :D

 

At my wits end April 2, 2009

Filed under: on coming out and moving out,on living out of home,on me,on my family — Janek @ 18:44

I’ve perhaps not been the best son of late, but given how my parents have been treating me, I don’t think they’ve been pulling their weight either.

I’m not happy. I am upset, and angry, and exhausted from all of this, and I think Dan could do without another night of me on the verge of tears.

What follows is a transcript of our recent text conversations:
Mum (1/4/09, 18.59): Looking forward to seeing you soon, mum, dad and Brother
Me (1/4/09, 17.12): Hey all. Have been rushed off my feet all week. Hope you’re all well :) x
Mum (1/4/09, 19.15): Heya, you’re missing out on pizza for dinner. See you soon.
Me (1/4/09, 19.51): Oh well, next time. I’ve just got home and Dan’s made me a lovely dinner. Talk soon x
–
Mum (2/4/09, 17.07): Are you home for dinner tonight? We miss you, no news to dad or me since last week. Love you to be home more! Mum x
Me (2/4/09, 17.41): Heya. Nothing to report. Busy tonight and tomorrow. Been run off my feet all day, I had hoped for a chance to call. Will talk soon. J x
Mum (2/4/09, 18.02): I would like to tΓnk that you were coming home on saturday. It was a cheap shot last night and you need to mend some fences.

Cheap shot? What? Huh? I just don’t know. I really don’t know.

 

Weird Feelings March 9, 2009

Filed under: on my family — Janek @ 17:56

I’ve been having some odd feelings the last few times I’ve gone home. No, it’s not just the passive-aggressive stance of my parents or anything like that. It’s the fact that, a little while ago, Mum told me what she’s done with Poppie and Uncle At. See, they’ve both been cremated, and both want to be scattered over Ridgeback, or Ka-run-gai, or somewhere. So, while we plan what to do with them, we’re keeping the ashes.

Poppie is up the back, behind the suitcases, and At is under the big steel box. Both of these places are under the stairs.

Every time I go up stairs, I’m literally walking over my grandfather and great uncle. It’s eerie.

 

Updates! February 25, 2009

Filed under: in pictures,on Dan,on homosexuality,on me,on my family,on religion,on the daily grind — Janek @ 01:08

It’s been a little while since I blogged due to EXTREME busy-ness. Before you think I’ve gone mad, no, I haven’t started doing work for my PhD… that would imply some path towards finishing, and we all know that can’t happen. No, it’s been more a case of things to be done, places to be, so here’s a quick run-down:

Valentine’s Day/The Feast of St Hallmark – less romantic than was originally envisioned, given to Dan’s cold at the time. We lay in bed watching films and stayed warm.

Fair Day rainy – but fun to see lots of people. Got a free petunia that now appears to be in dire straits, along with my quickly dying poinsettia from Christmas. Didn’t go for too long, but it was nice just wandering over when I liked and not needing to worry about parking.

Grandma goodness – I came out to my Grandma, Mum’s mum, on Thursday. It was an interesting situation, and I basically just said it when she asked if I had a girlfriend. It feels good to be out, and she took it really well. Yay! While I was over there, I helped her sort out a little problem she had with a delivery. She was expecting microfibre cloths, and, instead, received this:

Sara’s leaving :( - I’ve made a good friend in Sara over the past few months, and she’s now finished her course and is setting sail for NY. I’m really going to miss her, especially as she’s been somewhat of a “sex friend” for me. By which I mean she’s that person I seem to have no issues discussing my sex life with.

Trivia trivial, no one surprised - Acceptance held their annual trivia night on Saturday. Unsurprisingly, it was full of things no one knew, was too loud, and involved two drag queens who assumed they were funny. Nonetheless, I had a good time, especially as I drew the raffle with Miss Southern Comfort.

Tropfest dry, weather fine too - Tottered off to Tropfest Sunday night, it was quite good fun seeing so many people… we had a great spot with lots of room to lounge out in. There wasn’t a great showing of films… only one animated film, for example.

 

Keepin’ it real January 29, 2009

Filed under: on Dan,on coming out and moving out,on indecisiveness & depression,on me,on my family,on nothing in particular,on university — Janek @ 16:18

I’ve been busy these past few days, so I thought I’d do a mass update post! Yay!

The Party

I do love a good party, and usually I just go along to them and play host while the actual host sits and chats. This time, it was my turn to actually host, and now that I have a place I actually would invite people too, I decided to go all out. It was a raging success, as it eventuated. Tonnes of wonderful, lovely people came, and aside from a short tryst in my bedroom by two partygoers, and a third who barged into my flatmate’s room, waking him up, I’d have everyone back again.

iTunes Genius – Not so

I was listening to my iTunes the other day, and having lots of time to fill in, I was playing with iTunes Genius. It seemed like a fantastic invention, plucking out playlists from my 11,000-odd songs, until I looked down the list.

Some of you may know that Breathe Me by Sia is the last song in Six Feet Under, and has been known to bring me to tears. iTunes provided the following playlist of 24 songs to accompany it:

  1. Let Go – Frou Frou
  2. Maps – Yeah Yeah Yeahs
  3. Ooh La La – Goldfrapp
  4. Look After You – The Fray
  5. Hang Me Up To Dry – Cold War Kids
  6. Don’t Bring Me Down – Sia
  7. Chicago – Sufjan Stevans
  8. The First Day Of My Life – Bright Eyes
  9. Back In Your Head – Tegan & Sara
  10. Do You Realise – The Flaming Lips
  11. Precious – Depeche Mode
  12. Mad World – Michael Andrews
  13. Gold Lion – Yeah Yeah Yeahs
  14. Phantom Limb – The Shins
  15. Icky Thump – White Stripes
  16. Strict Machine – Goldfrapp
  17. Day Too Soon – Sia
  18. Electric Feel – MGMT
  19. Lover I Don’t Have To Love – Bright Eyes
  20. We Used To Be Friends – The Dandy Warhols
  21. Where Is My Mind? – The Pixies
  22. Rebellion (Lies) [Live] – The Arcade Fire
  23. Run – Snow Patrol
  24. Be Be Your Love – Rachel Yamagata

Now, don’t get me wrong, I do like some of those songs. In fact, I like all of those songs. But as a match for Breathe Me? A quick check on Last.fm suggests the following artists as being similar: Zero 7, Flunk, Emiliana Torrini, Hooverphonic… Now, I have three of those four on my iTunes as well, and yet none appeared. Sure, Run and Mad World might be complimentary as well, but Maps and Ooh La La rank higher. Have I completely missed the point of Genius or is it really just not that smart?

The Situation

My parents are causing me to be anxious, I have to draw more boundaries in my life. But I love my new place!

Message 1000

As far as things go, Dan and I seem to be going brilliantly. In fact, I noticed something the other day: I had received my 1000th sms from him since the first time he asked me back to his place. It said, quite simply, “Nah, I’m cool”, which is true. He is a cool boyfriend :D

Home, Sweet Home, aka: Things that go bump in the night

Last night, at about 5.30am, I was tossing and turning in a sweat when, suddenly, there was a creaking sound that drew me awake, and then a thunderous crash. The hook I had put up on the wall the night before had come unstuck, and sent the picture it was suspending crashing down into Lloyd, my poinsettia, and my stereo. It was not a pretty sight when I woke up to see dirt and leaves everywhere, but at least the picture seems to be ok… it was a Christmas Gift from Dan, hand made.

 

Que? January 25, 2009

Filed under: on coming out and moving out,on indecisiveness & depression,on me,on my family — Janek @ 01:08

No doubt if you have been following my blog for the past few weeks, you’ve seen that I’ve moved out and it’s been quite stressful for me. For most people, moving is stressful as they negotiate between getting out of their old place, getting access to their new place, and the transition between the two places (also called moving). For me, there have been two key stressors: the fact that I am spending far more than I am earning atm so have had to cut a few corners for the last month… and my parents.

The first element I have dealt with reasonably well. I’ve cut down on smoking… that’s reduced the number of packs I’ve needed to buy; and I’ve been keeping low-key meals, such as the good old bacon-and-egg, rather than the slightly more appetising, and significantly more expensive, chicken and mushroom filo, my crowning dish in Newcastle.

The second has lead to sleepless nights and worry-filled days, tears and, several times, just completely breaking down in Dan’s room. I don’t know how I would have got through this month without him, he has certainly been my rock.

Nonetheless, part of the resolution my parents and I came to was this “weening off” sort of period, where I’d go home more frequently at first then reduce the number of visits as I went so that they could adjust to me not being there. I left last Sunday, and, when I returned on Tuesday, I was… underwhelmed by their attentiveness. They cared not for discussing the new arrangement. I figured this was part of their Ostrich defense… if I bury my head in the sand enough, then it isn’t happening. As an interesting side note, ostriches don’t actually bury their heads, but rather put them close to the ground to make them resemble a bush.

Anyway, after skipping home for the last few nights, I returned home hurriedly after mass on Friday. Father was supposed to be leaving in the morning for the country for gliding, so I was looking forward to two days with mum and brother before returning to my new place Sunday evening. I was greeted by my brother at the door, as mum and father had already gone to bed. He informed me that father wasn’t leaving, and that he had made mum change one of her appointments on Friday so that they could do some jobs he wanted to do. And that’s not selfish…

I put my disappointment behind me, and then battled him at Guitar Hero until 1am. I went to bed, and got up at 11 to see my parents leaving. I was also just in time to take brother to work, which meant that I spend the day at my parents’ home by myself. They all returned home at about 5.30, and then we had dinner at 7, and people were doing various things as we usually do (which means we’re usually not all in the same room as even one other person… it helps keep our sanity), then mum and father went to bed and brother and I dueled a little more on Guitar Hero.

Tomorrow, he’s at work again, and my mother is doing some grocery shopping when she takes him down (at 9.30am…), so I might join her for that if I’m awake, and then she and father are going for lunch at a friend of the family’s. I’ve not been invited.

Now, can somebody please tell me why the fuck have I spent all week worrying about coming home, that I wasn’t coming home soon enough or often enough, and so forth, when neither of my parents, who so desperately needed to be weened off seeing me, even seem to want to spend time with me? Have I got the wrong end of a really big stick here, or does it just seem that they want me at home for their own selfish reasons, and don’t want me living away from home because they don’t want it?